Simon Cowell Dishes It Out!

Here are some spicy insights into the world of pop music from the brash music producer who originated and stars in the mega-popular Fox TV show American Idol. He is responsible for over 90 million record sales and 34 number one singles worldwide. Originally hailing from North London, after a series of failed jobs, Simon began his entertainment career in the post room of EMI. After American Idol, he has since formed his own entertainment corporation, which among many successful projects was responsible for the hit TV show, “The X Factor”. The following quotes have all been taking from his memoir entitled “I don’t mean to be rude but・・・.”

"The world I was born into was very different from the way the world is now. We had no McDonald's, no colour television, and, luckily, no Paula Abdul."
pg. 15

“When a woman walks into to audition, I might think, ‘God, she’s ugly.’ And this, as luck would have it, is the one show on television where I can actually say to someone, ‘God, you’re ugly.’ To me, it’s not being rude. It’s being honest. And it’s being myself.” Pg. 1-2

“Joking aside, the problem is that most people don’t understand that to be successful in the music business you must first have talent.” Pg. 8

“Today, neither my brother nor Bob Dylan would get through a single audition on pop idol-at least, not as long as I remain one of the judges. One of them can’t sing and the other’s too boring. Pg. 16

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I am slightly cynical about marriage. People always want to know why I have never married. Well, part of the problem is the institution of marriage. Some people join up for the right reasons- they want to get married and have kids-but many others do it out of social obligation. They grow up and live in areas where their friends have got married. Dinner parties are always centered around couples, and if you’re the odd bloke out you can be ostracized. I’ve seen that happen time and time and marriage is a form of conformity.” Pg. 30

“I had only two goals. Number one: smoke as many cigarettes as possible. Number two: leave school at the earliest possible age. A few of us were even put into a special category because we were so useless. We were given the option of either having tutors to improve our grades or learning to play tennis. To this day, tennis is still my best sport. I left school with 2 O levels to my name. Pg. 34

“I had no real idea of what I wanted to do. All I did know was that I wanted to make money. Real money. I credit my parents with this: from a very early age, they made us earn our own pocket money. But pocket money wasn’t enough. I soon became obsessed with getting rich. From the age of eight I used to make money by cleaning cars on a regular basis. I made quite a lot from this, about one pound a car, and I would do maybe 10 cars a day. Later, as I got older, I worked as a babysitter, a window cleaner, a carol singer and a waiter in Elton John’s restaurant in London. I think I lasted two days there before being asked to leave-yes, I was the worst waiter in the world. It was clear that waiting tables wasn’t the career for me. But what was?”Pg. 34-35.

“After a few minutes, she rose from her chair and issued her verdict. ‘Mr. Cowell,’ she said, ‘I’m afraid to say that you are the most unsuitable candidate we have ever had the misfortune to interview.’ This was music to my ears.” (After being interviewed for a legal assistant position) Pg. 42

“In many ways I was glad that I had started my career on the very bottom rung of the business. It was there that I learned how to deal with people-and not just those who couldn’t sing. For me the biggest learning curve was what I learned about human nature. As a postroom boy, you get to meet people at all levels of the business. It was obvious to me that the people on the bottom rung looked up to those at the top, and the ones at the top invariably looked down on those at the bottom. Pg. 48

“I don’t mean to be rude but punk music sucks. At the time I entered the music business, punk music was all the rage in Britain. When it all crumbled in the late seventies, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I hated punk. It was sensationalistic, full of ugly people and no fun at all. Most of the band members couldn’t sing a note or even play an instrument.” Pg. 54-55

“’Eddie,’ (Murphy) I replied, ‘they’re crap. If you really want to break into pop music, then I suggest you come to the UK and work with some of our producers.’ (Comments to comedian Eddie Murphy after listening to his demo tape) Pg. 90

“Michael Jackson, had he not been the lead singer of the Jackson Five, would never have become the most famous man on the planet. He first became a household name as the lead singer of a group, and without that group it’s unlikely anyone would have taken a chance on him at 14, 16 or even 18. As immensely talented as he was, as ambitious as he was, he would have still been an unknown” Pg. 251-252

“One of the best songwriters in the world for pop-in fact probably the best pop songwriter in the world now-is a guy called Jurge Elofson. He’s about 45 years old, and he’s one of the most talented and insecure people I’ve ever met. His ability to take situations and write songs to match them is unparalleled. It’s a kind of genius.”
Pg. 255-256

“The point is this: whether or not you’re working with a record label, a pop star needs to have good songs. As a result, you need to find your way to the best songwriters and producers in the world. In simplistic terms, most good songwriters are whores. They go where the money is. And in any given year, you have somewhere between half a dozen and a dozen of what I would call grade-A pop songs.”
Pg. 256

“So why should you, as a writer, waste one of your grade-A songs on an unknown, when every artist and record label is lining up to record that material. If you give the song to the unknown, you may make him or her very happy, but you may not sell records. If you give the song to Christina Aguilera, you’re guaranteed to sell three to six million albums worldwide. In the end, I tend to think it’s the song that’s more powerful than the performer, because I can think of at least a few cases where careers that were quite wounded were brought back to life by brilliant songs.” Pg. 257

"There’s a myth in this business that if you don’t hit by the time you’re 25, you’ll never make it. That’s total rubbish. If you look at some of the biggest artists in the world, some of them are older-Sheryl Crow, for example, or Tina Turner or Cher. The biggest touring band in the world is still the Rolling Stones and they’re not exactly spring chickens. No one is governed by age. Some of them kick around in the business for a while before they get their break." Pg. 263

“It is my belief that writing a hit song is one of the hardest jobs on earth. And yet everyone believes they can do it. To my mind, this is ridiculous.”
Pg. 282

“From a label’s perspective, if you can find an artist who is a gifted songwriter-hallelujah! Those people are so rare that they’re like the Loch Ness monster. If one appears, get a photograph to prove that he or she exists."
Pg. 282